reason

8 years ago, we were at a small church for 9 months. the experience left me scratching my head and clawing at my heart. some times we doubt God and we question experiences. yes, even ministers do this. then, when the time is right and the fruit is ready, the harvest comes. and yet, sometimes we never see the fruit. but when we do, it just reminds us of one more reason why we do what we do..... sacrificing home, FAMILY, friends and the familiar to chart out new territories that God beacons us to..... one more opportunity to slice a piece off our hearts and give it away.

i have sat and cried again today. bet you don't want to hear that. thanks noah for reminding me of why God calls the regulars in this world. your heart is so pure. your love for God is so real and even we couldn't have taught you that. makes me want to be more aware of who i come into contact with. don't have that much longer here. we must move on.

write me off

heart full of stuff and it is all mixed up. now know why waiting isn't so bad as it once seemed. don't write me off yet. i got a trailer load that needs a mover to move out. heavy heart and don't know where to begin. just need to unload and just need a listening ear of my friend.

two way street

two way street she drives alone. she sits and sobs she doesn't have a cell phone. she tries, or she thinks to make him understand. standing on a roof now shouting as loud as she can. things must be done.... you think they both could see. there is no i in the word we. her pen is her hand, she types and hits undo. she dies to herself, that's the end of the girl name Lu.

buggin me

trying my best to do the right thing. felt sick yesterday morning and went on to work anyway. that is what good sick employees do. only to come home and find my husband has been home since 11 filling the toilet with all of his bugs. pushing forward and still fill sick today, wish this bug would stop buggin me and us. even the dog got the bug. got to keep going so we can make a non sick appearance at the church tomorrow.

fork in the road

been walking for 4 years in this desert. i am hot and tired to just be honest. as i top the hill i notice that i have come to a fork in the road. the fork splits suddenly as the other lingers on. i must now decide. what if i make the wrong choice? will it throw me 4 years out 0f the way or will it bring me closer to home? i lay this, too, at your feet. you know that we want what you want.... but we don't want to have to decide. put a road block in the way if you must.... just don't let us mess up the decision that we make.

hold fast

reading this morning and heard that song again. hold fast, help is on the way...... He will save the day. i don't know if that is hope for the now or for what is coming. hold fast.

broken down

you have had a long week or maybe long year or long decade. your hopes haven't fallen, though the hard time(s) has/have shattered and slivered a chunk of your heart, you keep moving forward with mustard seed faith and you WAIT once again. glimpses of who you were and a mirage of who you want to be lying on the sand. yet, you still keep moving forward, longing for a gallon of cool water.... part to pour across your brow and the other.... of course to drink. you know it is just around the corner, so you keep moving forward. the sun's heat is almost more than you can stand. you know that this is just part of the process of being broken. you muster up the strength to go on. many things have been shed on this journey. you wonder who you are at the moment. then you focus once again on that mirage. is it real or is it just a figment of your imagination? you sit for a while. you try to cool off and catch your breath. you stand again and remember the blessings of brokenness.