the sins of the people

it is monday morning. one woman tries to cover the sins of her people. she works, she slaves to no avail. and one more try and their sins become hers. she has now ruined the pew of the church. edit undo would be perfect right now. to wake from this horror too. she willingly would die for her own sins now. death will happen... soon. they will take her life or what is left. she can not undo her endeavors. she hates her sin and that she tried to cover theirs. it should be a lesson learned, but nonetheless, the sins of the people will need to be covered... once again. but this time by HIM.

HOPE

something supernatural goes on when you obey God and serve like you have been created to serve (Ritchie Miller, Avalon Church).

one needy one blind

If a needy person has to tell you that he is in need there is something wrong with your outreach. Lord forgive me when I am spiritually blind to the needs of others.

big storm, small boat

Nathan's devotional last night was on how Jesus calmed the storm(Matt 8:23-27). We may be in our big storm,the boat feels like it is about to sink and we may even question if God cares or even hears us, let alone sees what we are going through. The disciples shouted out to Jesus and he was awakened. Jesus asks 2 questions regarding fear and faith, then tells the storm to stop. Have I (you) shouted out to Him today?

Hallelujah Humbug

just thinking about that first Christmas and how things haven't changed all that much. sure we have more conveniences than maybe they did, but we still have similar attitudes and world views. you see, that first Christmas there were the ones who stood in awe, the ones who bowed in wonder, those who bore gifts and beheld their KING. there were also doubters amongst the midst and those who were bitter and revengeful. the angels came, the wisemen and shepherds worshiped and adored and some how i have to believe there was Hallelujah in their hearts. yet their was at least one recorded that did not experience the Hallelujah of the first Christmas.... the Bible even records that he was disturb when he heard rumors that the king of the Jews had been born, later he was furious when he heard that the wisemen disobeyed him.... his name was not Scrooge, but Herod. he had Humbug in his heart and as far as i know, he died with it.

as i sit and ponder the meaning of Christmas, i have to ask myself the question, is there Hallelujah or Humbug in my heart? Do I have a little jealousy in my heart? Am I disturb by what others are giving or getting? Am I furious about what I don't have or can't have? Or am I standing in awe, bowing in wonder, bearing my soul and beholding my KING?

snap

we have been noticing mouse poop in our cabinets in the kitchen. jon and nathan went and got traps yesterday and this afternoon caught one.... i told jon where there is one, there are probably many more. felt sorry for the little guy... think he got selfish... cause he had gotten all the cheese and then fell over the lip of the cabinet by the dishwasher and snap, he was gone.

hope and holiness

Ezekiel a37:11'Our bones are dried up, our hope is gone, there's nothing left of us.'
Ezekiel 38:16 When the time's ripe, I'll unleash you against my land in such a way that the nations will recognize me, realize that through you, Gog, in full view of the nations, I am putting my holiness on display.

gold rush Christmas

people of today are much the same as the folks of 1849. many of them rushed off by "vehicle" (wagon or boat) seeking all the gold they could acquire, enduring substantial hardships on the trip. today, men, women, boys and girls desire to acquire wealth in some form or fashion. most of us have a list, be it on paper or a mental one of things we want or desire. (our "hardship" may just be awaking early to a flat tire on black Friday.) though each individual miner of 1849 may have sought fulfillment with wealth in gold, few ever found it. few things have changed since then.... few will find satisfaction in the material.... or just enough to tide us over until next years list can be made. many returned home in the 1800's with little more than they started with. what about the folks of today?

road blocks

so today didn't go quiet as planned. "just so happened" to call Sylvania Yarn before delivering cookies and the guy was pretty straight out on saying we couldn't deliver the cookies. guess i was more shocked than anything that someone would actually turn down an act of kindness. i am sure their reasonings were satisfying enough for him, but still left me thinking. all i could mentally see was satan laughing at the door and he wouldn't let us in..... but that wasn't stopping me from finding new unexpected recipients of God's goodness and grace. Road blocks, detours, stop signs and the voice of God. nothing like the sweetness of a mental pic of God opening HIS doors and saying what satan meant for bad, i have planned to work out for your good. satan would you like a cookie?

Holding onto Hope

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. 24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near....35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

confessions of a not so perfect pastor's wife part 1

you know that lady that drives you nuts at church? she drives me nuts too.
you can't serve on every committee. don't expect me too.
guess what? the laundry didn't get done today, the kitchen is piled up with dishes and the floor needs a sweeping, much less mopping.
your time is valuable. mine is too. don't waste mine telling me of all the stuff your are going to do and don't leaving me to do it.
i still have to MAKE time with God. what is your excuse?
i would sleep in denim and believe that God doesn't care what you wear on Sunday's as long as you come wanting to draw near to Him , hear from Him and serve Him . i hate hose and slips.
my gumbo rocks even with okra!
i love afternoon naps.
i love hanging with the pastor and guess what? we sleep together!

so, some may stop and ponder, some may even question, but the end result remains the same.... pastor's aren't perfect and their wives aren't either.

just fishishin

fishing requires extreme patience and low voices.. or so that was what daddy use to say. "if you talk too loud, you'll scare the fish away!" some days one could be out there by the pond for hours and never get a bite and other days you got bobble from the cork right away. it seems with fishin' there is no true garantee. but you could usually tell the first 30 minutes , whether or not you would be bringing home a net full or just a few. we would want to just give it up for the day when we see the fish just ain't biting..... pack the tackle box and go home.

i am sure Simon and his crew felt the same way. they had been fishing, not an hour, but all night. they had caught nothing. i just have to believe that maybe they wanted to prove their point and prove Jesus wrong.... "but IF you say so, we'll try again." (Living) Their loud shout made there partner boat come running. "soon BOTH boats were filled and on the VERGE of SINKING." i just have to wonder how they felt. they went from no fish to 2 boatloads.... SOON.

creeping in

so, i told ya that saga of my glasses that the dog chewed. let me shovel deeper into the truth of it all. we all sin. we all make mistakes. we all knowingly do wrong at times. its like that little untruth that we tell or agree to. sin. it is like we are driving down the road and suddenly realize that our vision isn't what it used to be. sin. we can't really say it happened all at once... just little by little, each lie, each untruth, each.... and this sin that Satan is laughing at has caused us to need glasses, continued we become completely blind.... sin. it destroys eyesight. it blinds us to the truth of God. sin. such a small word with such a big price. sin.

trusting in plastic

sometimes we just take things for granted. we eat, we sleep, we do what we do. then suddenly, without prior warning, something is gone. something is missing. yesterday i came face to face with this. i was sick the day before and who knows where i laid my glasses. well the dog knew. yep, started cleaning and disinfecting and sweeping, when there they lay on 'his' bed, chewed, mangled and destroyed. and now i am without my safety net. no glasses. no money.

cake walk

yesterday, I was sat down by an 80 year old woman after church. she meant no harm other than to have her way.... cake walks are gamblin' and I don't approve of it at the church. in shock, all i could say was gamblin'. i have never heard of that before. apparently her mom raise them strict. i felt sorry for her as she said, they never played cards and Christmas trees should not be in a church. it really made me want to buy her a set of UNO cards for Christmas just for the heck of it. she stumbled to try to make a point of the gamblin' issue saying you walk around and maybe if you land on the number they call, you'll go home with a cake.

(so cindy might go to the football game and cheer for her team and just maybe we will win and if we do, i will go home with a little joy.... is that gamblin' too? Huh? Or what about going into the shoe store only to see a pair on sale plus you got another 20% off, is that gamblin' cause you got more than you thought or more than you deserve?)

i was polite, yet in the end it was fairly clear that her way was right and i felt judged. clearly life for her has been no cake walk. i know that this lady may have 20 years left or less. i really hope that God has a big surprise at the banquet table just for her.... perhaps he will allow her to do the cake walk.

tired

taking these meds have made me really tired, yet my sinus infection is improving. got to spend some time with our McDonough friends yesterday and made me miss that place some. know we are here for a reason and know that we have not yet finished our purpose. dragging myself out of bed and just around today. really feel medicated. with a cup of coffee in hand, i feel as though i could go to bed now (6;35pm) and sleep through the night and into the next day. wonder about myself though. need to lose this weight and get to a point where i can tone. got a lot to do and don't know where to start and part of me doesn't want to.

string bikini

diverted eye so easily. wanting to do right but thinking that good is best. when best and good are not even related. got opportunity around and seems so right. why would i be left in this desert. money's gone and seems no hope. saw a string bikini in the distance. seems good for the moment and we move that way. just want a chance to get wet for the day. loving the sun and hating the drought. hating the moving and wanting to plant... but wondering if this is it. saw where i was and miss parts of it a bunch. just can't imagine what God has in store. wanting it all, all the more. why didn't i do more at avalon.

death of pride

broken spirit over something said. trying my best to be everything i can for God. didn't know this would mean walking on eggshells and pretending. satan winning and i am struggling. i know i am not perfect, why can't they see past my flaws. it gnaws at me. i feel my flesh crawl. makes me angry and sad and want to die. wish they could see the other side.

high heel shoe

got her feelings on her shoulder, wanting to be and dress who she is... simple. got her rules and restrictions not allowing her to be. she changes her wardrobe for the 99th time. Sunday is tomorrow. the sogga unfolds again. she knows that what she is wearing isn't for Him anymore. the crowd looks on expectantly. hair all fixed and makeup piled to hide the brokenness inside her heart. she knows that today will be "the day" that she has been waiting for.... the day the pain will cease. she wears her pointy high heels and blood red lipstick. she receives her compliments with ease.... yet her mind wonders of the jeers of what would have been if she wore outfit 33. she returns home and cooks and cleans and then when the slumber of the day peeks.... it is time. she goes to the laundry room and throws herself onto her high heels. the blood spills and her pain has now ceased.

not giving up

Not giving up on you, Lord. not giving up on a job with group insurance and a chance at one more pregnancy and healthy birth. i am not giving up. no, not giving up.

from 7 years back, barren

All my life this was a dream, get married have kids
and the perfect dog. Two thirds have come true. No one
except the barren can fully understand. I have my
moments when this "thing" has left me numb. Other
times I feel the razors as they slide across my heart.
Silly how this "thing" does one. Somedays I can brush
comments off. Somedays it is like a noose upon my
neck. And just when you think you have controlled and
tamed it, it lashes back again. Why me God?
Other's approach you with your options. Sounds like
the pain could be lifted. You look into adoption and
the like and that only bites you too... maybe even
harder. Adoption sounds simple. Then you look into the
cost of loving something someone else didn't love or
want and the sting gets you again. I could love this
child completely and totally self says to me. The
sting of finances prevents even the thought. The sore
festers. The soul screams.

give

Deut. 16:16-17 ....but they must not appear before the Lord without a gift for him. ¹⁷ All must give as they are able, according to the blessings given to them by the Lord your God.

expectations

got this mental image of where i need to be.... running ahead of me. don't know how to get there or how i got here some days. great expectations and disappointment hover close. giving up would be so much easier, so i try not to give in. i shove on with my shovel in tow. guess i am getting a glimpse of how you feel about me. don't give up on me yet, Lord. i am trying. use these feeble attempts to follow you to accomplish your plan.

what God does

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

6 word statements

the great pretender. plays big church. (before)
not nearly perfect. driven by HIM. (after)


not a member.
won't release pew.

found true fulfillment.
followed after God.

Numbers 13

³⁰ But Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. “Let’s go at once to take the land,” he said. “We can certainly conquer it!”

³¹ But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” ³² So they spread this bad report about the land among the Israelites: “The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge. ³³ We even saw giants^h]">[h] there, the descendants of Anak. Next to them we felt like grasshoppers, and that’s what they thought, too!”

turning head

all i want to do is turn your head... make you chase me.... but all i seem to accomplish is raising the dead. got my shovel in hand and regrets in my heart. wish i could go back and stop you and let you know how this feels. trying to live a Godly life and Satan somehow got a thread of my sweater. he pulls and tugs until i feel like there is nothing left. only to his demise... that is just the way Christ would have it.

sliding doors

had a flashback to way back then. just thinking about a friend, a truck and an ice cream shop. seemed like those were complicated days. all seems way too real now. if i only knew then what i know now. would i go back and change just one slight thing... that might change the whole story line all over again? would my friend be alive? guess i have some regrets of steps i didn't take and wrongs that i would erase.

Father, forgive my ignorance back then and even today. don't want to have those same regrets and make those same mistakes. i know YOU stand in front of me leading all the way. feels like that blurs my vision of the steps i have to take. guess that is part of trusting YOU.

Lev. 12

Lev. 12:⁶ “When the time of purification is completed for either a son or a daughter, the woman must bring a one-year-old lamb for a burnt offering and a young pigeon or turtledove for a purification offering. She must bring her offerings to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle.^c]">[c] ⁷ The priest will then present them to the Lord to purify her.^d]">[d] Then she will be ceremonially clean again after her bleeding at childbirth. These are the instructions for a woman after the birth of a son or a daughter.


Got this image in my head of this woman trying to get to her purification ritual.... baby in arms, tugging on a stubborn lamb, carrying a cage with a pigeon or turtledove and no husband in sight.

fireproof

Lev. 6:¹³ Remember, the fire must be kept burning on the altar at all times. It must never go out.

Lev. 7:¹⁵ The meat of the peace offering of thanksgiving must be eaten on the same day it is offered. None of it may be saved for the next morning.

(our offering of thanksgiving must be fresh every morning and our love must be kept burning on the altar of our hearts at all times)

fireproof

Lev. 6:¹³ Remember, the fire must be kept burning on the altar at all times. It must never go out.

funeral

epitaphs are interesting to me. this is one on a grave stone in a small older graveyard in Calhoun, LA that i found doing a grave rubbing for a Sr. year in H.S. project. it is one that will forever be etched into my memory. i don't know the person or even remember when he or she died. the first word of the last line is the most important.. PREPARE.

Remember friend as you walk by
As you are now so once was I
As I am now you will surely be
Prepare thyself to follow me.

---

dirty walk

holding my friends hand and walking down the road. so happy to have you walking with me. trees surround us and the pathway is dirty. my ear tunes to the sound of a pick up truck coming in behind us or may be just me. had this feeling someone was watching our every move. He has found us. my heart stops one beat. got the aroma of fresh brewed coffee in my nostrils. i awake from this dream walk.


Matt. 26: 58 Meanwhile, Peter followed him at a distance and came to the high priest’s courtyard. He went in and sat with the guards and waited to see how it would all end.

got this feeling Peter knew too. he knew that though he followed at a distance that HE saw him and was watching his every move. his pathway was dirty. he could have changed the story ending. yet, he chose to do nothing.

wait

Ps. 27: 14 Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

sometimes i think i would rather have a "no" from God than a "wait". but more often it seems that is HIS response to me. it is hard in the waiting, but we are stretched and it seems that God can use us more in the aftermath of our want, desire or need. WAIT. just wait and see. it will turn out for HIS good in HIS time. just wait.

losing

a piece of me exploded and you don't know how i feel. doing this one more day yet hating it all the less. got my list of things to do, get out of my way super girl has her torn cape and faded suit again. so many things out of order and disarray. just want to stop or run away. got a quarter in my pocket would you hear me if i told you. can't seem to do it. can't seem to be the person that i wish i was. got my disappointments and i don't know how to undo this spider web that has me trapped. got a heavy heart and no one knows. i hate it and i am not suppose to say it.

wondering where

i am sitting here, just finishing reading my friends blog and flipping to my own. wonder where all the time has gone and why i can't leave a detailed account of Nathan and how he has grown. everything seems like a slow but fast whirlwind most days. trying to get a glimpse of YOU through this tunnel i feel that i am in. my heart has hands though. they reach towards YOU. no make up on, but YOU don't mind... YOU see me beyond that stuff anyways. oh, by the way, i know YOU like my cell phone.

exodus 8

15 But when Pharaoh saw that relief had come, he became stubborn.^[c] He refused to listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the Lord had predicted.

(When they saw that relief had come and their troubles were gone, they went back to doing what they were doing. They did not show true repentance. Repentance should not be attempted for relief so we can get back to business as usual. It requires the fruit of change with no return.)

power push

the strength of a push is more powerful when you got someone pushing the same direction with you.

self argument

got that really tired feeling going on this morning. i have those sinus bags under my eyes and i am arguing with myself. don't want to be up and would rather throw myself back into the bed. worried about my friend. she probably has something by now and is spreading it amongst her friends. she is still my friend and my heart bleeds for her.. knowing she is trying to fill a hole with something that is only eating the dirt out from under her. her hole is just getting deeper and i want to throw her a line. i argue with myself again and nothing is accomplished. i bow my head and pray one more time that she would return to the REAL YOU and exchange the lie for the TRUTH.

puttin it off

i know , i know. i am slacking in my.... abilities. i am finding it hard to manage facebook, email and blogging. guess i put one before the other. should have just gotten up running yesterday and today. i won't miss today though. i will do it during nap time if i must. got to run. busy day again today.

playing dead

even my dog can't do this, but amazingly, my husband can. we have been awake for an hour and i know he is too. too stubborn to unleash the sheet. he stays still. coffee gets cold by the bed side stand. yet he knows it is there. can't wait all day, ya know. so I run on.

nlt disbelief

but he laughed to himself in disbelief. “How could I become a father at the age of 100?” he thought. “And how can Sarah have a baby when she is ninety years old?” (Gen.17:17)

in the still

in the still of your presence, i am listening Lord. i am still, i am quiet, i am yours

brooklyn tab this is your house live

rainy day and satan thought he could defeat me and keep me from doing God's will... i push on still. he thinks he has one on me, defeating God's plan... but i will try again. found this song on a cd that only a child could have handed to me. spoke what i needed.

"Lord, our eyes are weak and we're blinded to the truth of WHO WE ARE every time we look, we're reminded of the things that stain our hearts
(Chorus) for You are holy, holy, holy are you Lord And You are worthy, worthy, worthy are you Lord
Why does Your mercy come like the morning and Your light dispel my dark Lord, I don't deserve Your love that RESTORES me and I'm humbled by Your heart
(C)
You reign in majesty and we fall on bended knee to praise You, all of our days, May the story of OUR LIVES be worship in YOUR eyes, Let our hearts shout of Your glory You are holy, holy, holy are you Lord And you are worthy, worthy, worthy are you Lord......"

wondering

i spend most of my time now wondering who i am and what i did with the person that i thought i was

matt 5:23-24

23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice^[i] at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

should be blogging

i know, i know. i should be blogging. with email, face book and this bad boy, i just have a hard time managing it all. felt you to touch my right knee this morning. i know it was you or one of your angels. it was way too real. why did you just turn my computer off. thought i was talking to you. hmmmm.