liar

satan sufficates me with his lies. i can't breathe. i can't pray. he throws himself across my mouth. i gasp. no words come out. the fear is on my face along with his tail. my eyes speak. i drawn in my own salava. he shouts his lies loud above my racing heart. i panic and search the room for help. i want to get out of this entrapment. don't know what to do. my eyes trace the outline of the ceiling. my heart starts to speak, but no words come from my lips. "God. do you see me. " i feel paper thin. 'I have messed up, yet again. Help me get back close to you. Want you whispering in my ear. want your words to be uttered from these lips." the tail of the beast slides down. the grip begins to loosen. oxygen begins to fill my lungs. my heart rate slows. the beast falls off. the room stops spinning. all is calm. all except a still small voice.

movin on in my mind

ever needed a change or were just ready for one..... got your mind already there, your mind has moved in.... your body feels like you are living in more than one reality and you want to just have one... the here and now be done.... like you can see the future and you want to be there. can't focus on God like that. hard to focus on anything with all that expectation.

know many people who cheated on their spouses and i just wonder what made them do it? guess their minds moved on.... forgot what they had, saw greener pastures only to find out that the grass there too was dead.

then there is the couple buying a house. the search is fun. and then they find the one and well, their mind has moved in. she knows just where to put the coffee pot, he knows just where to store his tools. they can't sleep. they put the offer in and get the house. (and they live happily ever after)

Lord, do we ever want to live for you. Do for you. Follow you. Serve you. Be who you called us to be. Lord, help our minds not to move on without you.

I am open to you God.... wherever, whenever, however. Just want to make sure it is God and not me with my mind moving on.

pain

knowing why i am having such pain, should at least ease my mind. i am not persuaded that the dr's diagnosis is all correct though. feel like i am in labor half the time with back pains and front pains. feel miserable.

disgusting to God

what disgusts God? is it the gay dr or the lesbian friend? is it the person who commits murder or the prisoner behind locked doors? is it the neighbor growing pot or the one in the home owners associtation who just won't mow his lawn? it might just be that father that doesn't seek HIM or the pastor's wife that just didn't make time for HIM. i think my list could go on and own. the truth be known they are all the same. each little sin or big sin.... that separates us from God. who am i to judge, who am i to say. what disgusts me might not be what disgusts God. why not?

buried

you don't know how buried you are until you try to dig yourself out..... (quote from tv show Buried Alive) the guy continued by saying I am just taking it one day at a time.

wow. powerful words. he probably has no idea what he has said. we have no idea how buried we are in sin until we try to dig ourselves out. only to find, if we have Jesus' blood covering our hearts and lives that He holds the dirty shovel in HIS hands.... He has dug us out.

King Hezekiah

2 Chronicles 29

King Hezekiah

^{1 -2} Hezekiah became king when he was twenty-five years old and was king in Jerusalem for twenty-nine years. His mother was Abijah daughter of Zechariah. In God's opinion he was a good king; he kept to the standards of his ancestor David.

^{3 -9} In the first month of the first year of his reign, Hezekiah, having first repaired the doors of The Temple of God, threw them open to the public. He assembled the priests and Levites in the court on the east side and said, "Levites, listen! Consecrate yourselves and consecrate The Temple of God—give this much-defiled place a good housecleaning. Our ancestors went wrong and lived badly before God—they discarded him, turned away from this house where we meet with God, and walked off. They boarded up the doors, turned out the lights, and canceled all the acts of worship of the God of Israel in the holy Temple. And because of that, God's anger flared up and he turned those people into a public exhibit of disaster, a moral history lesson—look and read! This is why our ancestors were killed, and this is why our wives and sons and daughters were taken prisoner and made slaves.

^{10 -11} "I have decided to make a covenant with the God of Israel and turn history around so that God will no longer be angry with us. Children, don't drag your feet in this! God has chosen you to take your place before him to serve in conducting and leading worship—this is your life work; make sure you do it and do it well."

In God's opinion, Hezekiah was a good king. In my opinion, God's opinion is the only one that counts. God has an opinion on how I am living my life. Am I serving God with all that I am? Is my heart all in? Does he think that I am a surface server? Am I dragging my feet with God? Am I doing my life work WELL?

mass

2 Chronicles 16:9 "God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to him. You were foolish to go for human help when you could have had God's help. Now you're in trouble—one round of war after another. "^{11 -14} A full account of Asa is written in The Chronicles of the Kings of Judah. In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa came down with a severe case of foot infection.

He didn't ask God for help, but went instead to the doctors.

Then Asa died; he died in the forty-first year of his reign. They buried him in a mausoleum that he had built for himself in the City of David. They laid him in a crypt full of aromatic oils and spices. Then they had a huge bonfire in his memory.

---

John 12

^{27 -28}"Right now I am storm-tossed. And what am I going to say? 'Father, get me out of this'? No, this is why I came in the first place. I'll say, 'Father, put your glory on display.'"

^{36 -40}Jesus said all this, and then went into hiding. All these God-signs he had given them and they still didn't get it, still wouldn't trust him.

knowing it is there, i turn to you. i cling. not too scared. reassured because of who you are. wanting more than ever for your glory to be on display. show up and show out God. thank you for your quiet whispers. i need them. use the charity of others to bring clarity to my family. we trust in you.