on hold or holding on?

ever felt like that? are you on hold or holding on to what seems like the end of your rope? been there myself. know that i am doing this for someone else, maybe even the person reading this. got to keep on though. still reading my book and praying. still got a glimpse of hope, just don't want the flame to die down... keep blowing on the coals, keep fanning into flames. watch for the smoke to rise. know it is coming and you guys will be able to find me on this island. know i am not alone out here.... just maybe i am the only one talking.... talking to myself.

ready and willing

ready and willing to do what it takes, she bends her back and picks up the rake. knowing it all will be worth it someday, but for now she is willing to do what it takes. waiting on a call or a voice from above. it all takes a sacrifice that some are not willing to make. sacrifice. that doesn't mean that it is given to you on a plate. sacrifice, to suffer a loss, to give up, to sell as a loss, to deny something precious will i do what it takes?

never done

just reminded that i should not criticize for some thing that i have never done or haven't been willing to do myself. i can't lead where i won't go. i can't love unless i am willing to show (love).

chance

no happenstanace. no such thing as chance... just in need of an opportunity, an open door.

little brother

outstretched on the floor, he snores. one ear rises and falls again. guess he heard what he needed and wasn't interested this go around. seems a little sad, because big brother left on a trip without him. trying now to give him some one on one. scared him when i spoke to him... up he jumped barking like a tough man.... now wagging his nub. give me that rope boy. yeah. I know you want to play.

give up

we are supposed to give up. we really are. we can't fight by ourselves. we must give up. give (it) up to God. Even financially. Give up to God.

thinking about a movie i saw with some friends recently. wouldn't recommend it, but it did have a neat thought. it was called sliding doors. basically was all about how our lives would be different if we would have gone through another door instead of the one we went through... or if we would have waited 5 seconds later on doing something. the outcome would possibly be slightly different or major different.

i believe that God is interested in the right time, the right attitude and the right place. Lord, help me to choose to walk through the right door at the right time with the right attitude.

satan's 3's

Deceive
Distract
Discourage

turning 5

whirl wind of a day, working then cooking and cleaning and heading to walmart..... need I say more, getting the cupcakes and balloons. i am about to fall over. he's about to be 5. keep thinking that i will wake up from this dream and he will be holding his bottle all over again. i love him soooo much. still wish we could have and could give him that one thing that i know he wanted and still wants. my heart sinks. when will this all be over and we can give him that. or heck, just try. still can't believe that 5 years ago one of the best things that ever happened to me became a reality.

diving board

standing on the end, my toes extended and grasping to the board, i wonder to myself if the water is cold or even if i should dive in. the rage of emotions fill me. 10 pounds too heavy and a heart overwhelmed, i plead for a moment of sanity and from out of no where, someone pushes me in. my dive has become a shove. my attempt to make my gift to You beautiful has become a mere feeble attempt to make nothing more than an unsightly splash.

here i am Lord. my feeble attempts and unsightly mess of a person. my zits and my sweat, all to say i can't and never could. only you can. saw that amazing gift and that even large debts can be paid. (church debt paid in full) longing to be next in line for YOUR blessing. longing to be the one that could have done that for you. i know you see my heart and sometimes i am ashamed of that. i emerge from the pool, fully soaked, with my hands palm up. i have nothing to give.... but myself.

under the hood

never think to look there. just hop in and go. guess it is one of those woman faith things. battery not starting the hood is unlatched. corrosion galore. No wonder. trying and trying with a new clean battery in tow. Lord let this be the answer.

the 3's

heavy helpless hurting
pressed prayed plan
dried depressed dead