creeping in

so, i told ya that saga of my glasses that the dog chewed. let me shovel deeper into the truth of it all. we all sin. we all make mistakes. we all knowingly do wrong at times. its like that little untruth that we tell or agree to. sin. it is like we are driving down the road and suddenly realize that our vision isn't what it used to be. sin. we can't really say it happened all at once... just little by little, each lie, each untruth, each.... and this sin that Satan is laughing at has caused us to need glasses, continued we become completely blind.... sin. it destroys eyesight. it blinds us to the truth of God. sin. such a small word with such a big price. sin.

trusting in plastic

sometimes we just take things for granted. we eat, we sleep, we do what we do. then suddenly, without prior warning, something is gone. something is missing. yesterday i came face to face with this. i was sick the day before and who knows where i laid my glasses. well the dog knew. yep, started cleaning and disinfecting and sweeping, when there they lay on 'his' bed, chewed, mangled and destroyed. and now i am without my safety net. no glasses. no money.

cake walk

yesterday, I was sat down by an 80 year old woman after church. she meant no harm other than to have her way.... cake walks are gamblin' and I don't approve of it at the church. in shock, all i could say was gamblin'. i have never heard of that before. apparently her mom raise them strict. i felt sorry for her as she said, they never played cards and Christmas trees should not be in a church. it really made me want to buy her a set of UNO cards for Christmas just for the heck of it. she stumbled to try to make a point of the gamblin' issue saying you walk around and maybe if you land on the number they call, you'll go home with a cake.

(so cindy might go to the football game and cheer for her team and just maybe we will win and if we do, i will go home with a little joy.... is that gamblin' too? Huh? Or what about going into the shoe store only to see a pair on sale plus you got another 20% off, is that gamblin' cause you got more than you thought or more than you deserve?)

i was polite, yet in the end it was fairly clear that her way was right and i felt judged. clearly life for her has been no cake walk. i know that this lady may have 20 years left or less. i really hope that God has a big surprise at the banquet table just for her.... perhaps he will allow her to do the cake walk.

tired

taking these meds have made me really tired, yet my sinus infection is improving. got to spend some time with our McDonough friends yesterday and made me miss that place some. know we are here for a reason and know that we have not yet finished our purpose. dragging myself out of bed and just around today. really feel medicated. with a cup of coffee in hand, i feel as though i could go to bed now (6;35pm) and sleep through the night and into the next day. wonder about myself though. need to lose this weight and get to a point where i can tone. got a lot to do and don't know where to start and part of me doesn't want to.

string bikini

diverted eye so easily. wanting to do right but thinking that good is best. when best and good are not even related. got opportunity around and seems so right. why would i be left in this desert. money's gone and seems no hope. saw a string bikini in the distance. seems good for the moment and we move that way. just want a chance to get wet for the day. loving the sun and hating the drought. hating the moving and wanting to plant... but wondering if this is it. saw where i was and miss parts of it a bunch. just can't imagine what God has in store. wanting it all, all the more. why didn't i do more at avalon.

death of pride

broken spirit over something said. trying my best to be everything i can for God. didn't know this would mean walking on eggshells and pretending. satan winning and i am struggling. i know i am not perfect, why can't they see past my flaws. it gnaws at me. i feel my flesh crawl. makes me angry and sad and want to die. wish they could see the other side.

high heel shoe

got her feelings on her shoulder, wanting to be and dress who she is... simple. got her rules and restrictions not allowing her to be. she changes her wardrobe for the 99th time. Sunday is tomorrow. the sogga unfolds again. she knows that what she is wearing isn't for Him anymore. the crowd looks on expectantly. hair all fixed and makeup piled to hide the brokenness inside her heart. she knows that today will be "the day" that she has been waiting for.... the day the pain will cease. she wears her pointy high heels and blood red lipstick. she receives her compliments with ease.... yet her mind wonders of the jeers of what would have been if she wore outfit 33. she returns home and cooks and cleans and then when the slumber of the day peeks.... it is time. she goes to the laundry room and throws herself onto her high heels. the blood spills and her pain has now ceased.