second wind

so, by the looks of this body, you know i am not a runner. feel like i am run to death some days and wonder how ever other mom/super hero does it. feeling nearly dead all day.... literally about to fall over, could barely stand.... trying to clean up and pack and do the duties of super mom and now eyes wide open and can't get off the computer. talk about a second wind.

going under the knife

i know what you are thinking and i haven't been in surgery. i did go under the knife today though. i been sayin that i was gonna shave my head. i didn't but came close to it. finally went and got this mop cut and looks and feels sooo much better. guess we will see if I can do anything with it in the morning.

that lady

a lady that i haven't seen in a while came by the house today. she said she wanted to steam my upstairs for free! i let her have it and now it looks sooooo much better. wish she would have had time to do the down stairs too. as she left, she asked what i had done with my broom. guess super mom has flown the coop.

turquiose tears

did lunch with with my friend today. had so much buried down and trying not to let it out. somehow she has this way of pulling info out of me without trying. then i made her cry. my heart cried with her. wish i could do something to help. makes my problems seem so small when i see her blaming herself for her oldest child's decisions. dear, it's not your fault.

second coat

i am by no means an expert painter, however i wouldn't consider myself to be a beginner. as many times as i have painted and gotten paint in my hair and on my clothes, i still know that there can't possibly be a paint that requires only one coat ( and don't try to correct me.... i have even painted with that stuff that says "one coat")

we get in a hurry some days.... just wanting to get the whole exterior of the house painted while we are only using a paint brush. it ain't gonna happen.... partly because of the size of the brush and the other part, because it is gonna take a second coat. our lives are like that too. we want to be who God created us to be..... which is a very noble thing, but we want it now and we don't want Him to apply a second coat. it all takes time and we don't like to wait.

Lord, thank you that you are STILL working on me. you alone know that i need the maintenance. and i alone know i want the second coat to stick so i need time for the first coat to dry. just seems like this coat has taken forever.

created to be

window shopping on ebay. looking at those expensive dresses and wondering if they are really me. wondering who i am, style wise, and who i am meant to be. trying to find that perfect one, the one that makes me look like a miracle, and makes even my husband's head turn. still wondering who i am and who i am supposed to be. prefer to throw on that favorite pair of jeans with a nice top, but is that really me inside of me? maybe it's all the self confidence that needs a boost. i still sit and wonder if i could ever live up the the role of the PW. maybe that is what God's trying to show me. i just might not fit in the expected box..... and maybe that is just how HE intended for me to be.

famous resume's

you can read those famous resume's in the Bible.... they were shipwrecked, beaten, stone to death and much more. sounds so glamorous and then you have your own resume. lost job 3 times, was dirt poor, lived miles away from loved family and felt abandoned by even some Christians in the church, got a speeding ticket, car wrecked 3 times, sent out dozens of resumes to no avail, 2 times lightning struck the house... messing up the answering machine and the computer, kicked out of the church, car wouldn't start, survived a hurricane, etc. guess we all have our resume list. guess mine might sound glamorous to someone. just wanting a break. that big break.

change

got to do it. can't go with God and sit where you are. easier said than done when you have never moved before. living in the same house for over 20 years.... same routine, same agenda, same good but old way it has always been. no, change isn't always easy or approved. but, change is always needed if you are on the Go with God. Think about it like this, God is driving. You are along for the ride. The scenery changes as the car moves. who knows. change isn't always a bad thing. i am ready for the ride.

buying time

wondering why they didn't call back. think God was letting us buy a little time to pray together. wondering though. just wondering. glad nates sand box is full as of today. looks nice and all again. he dug til almost dark when i made him come in. wanting to tie up lose ends and needing, oh how you will never know, next weeks break week. Lord, bring me rest even from the neighborhood kids.

target

not talking about the store this time. talking about missing the mark. sometimes we get so focused or distracted by even good and great things.... like trying to please God and wanting to do the right thing that we miss the mark all together. sometimes the answer that we have been praying and searching for is right under our noses.

Lord, ya see me. ya know i am helpless and can't even decide on which shoes to wear... partly because i got too many......and the other half because i just can't decide. please, Lord, don't let me screw up this thing that may as well be you in the flesh. ya know i just need you to carry me to wherever you want me. then i can't praise myself and will know for sure that i hit the mark. feel like i am shootin' with that flimsy bow and arrow, when you just want me to pick up that super nerf gun from aunt wendy. nonetheless Lord, here i am, the stupid, helpless one that somehow, you have chosen.

no if's

no if's ands or buts about it. It is all or nothing baby. just semi day dreaming about what could happen IF only i would move out of the way of God. yep, no if ands or buts about it. this sissy's got to let the Driver drive.