diving board

standing on the end, my toes extended and grasping to the board, i wonder to myself if the water is cold or even if i should dive in. the rage of emotions fill me. 10 pounds too heavy and a heart overwhelmed, i plead for a moment of sanity and from out of no where, someone pushes me in. my dive has become a shove. my attempt to make my gift to You beautiful has become a mere feeble attempt to make nothing more than an unsightly splash.

here i am Lord. my feeble attempts and unsightly mess of a person. my zits and my sweat, all to say i can't and never could. only you can. saw that amazing gift and that even large debts can be paid. (church debt paid in full) longing to be next in line for YOUR blessing. longing to be the one that could have done that for you. i know you see my heart and sometimes i am ashamed of that. i emerge from the pool, fully soaked, with my hands palm up. i have nothing to give.... but myself.